Today

Today I almost skipped church .. since all of this stuff with Liza it has been easy to say ohh it is just easier to stay home... Well today in the last 30 minutes before church I decided to get us ready.. After we sat down .. Liza's birthdad sat down infront of us .. He lives in a group home .. I don't think he even can recognize us .. really no threat.. but still the blood in my veins ran cold.. I hugged my sweet little girl.. looked at Bruce and said I can't do this.. he only smiled and said GOd has his reasons ... you will be fine.. I am so amazed at my husband.. he is so calm with some things. while I wanted to scoop up my kids and run.. He wanted to just sit there..
Well birth dad never knew who we were .. it gave me time to sit .. and try to see the similarities in the two.. also made me think about our future.. he has some really big issues.. that could be passed down.. in the end I found myself praying for him and for the innocent little girl next to me..

Later today I ran into some people from the past who were very toxic for me .. and I again thanked God for my life now...
Then I ran into someone who was part of placing Liza with us .. while some stuff was really handled poorly ... I still thanked God for it all ... Life may not have moved like I would have chosen but we still ended up with 2 great kids that call us mom/dad....

Your Presence

I felt your presence last night as I laid there in despair
Footsteps softly entering my room
Caring hands pulled my blanket up to my shoulders
You brush the hair from my eyes-
Wiped the tears from my face
Laying there asking you for guidance
Quietly you told me. I have shown you
Follow me and trust only me
Like a little girl I said but it isn’t fair

You responded no one said it would be
You held me with in the silence of the night
Rocked me to sleep like a newborn baby.
I woke this morning no where I could see you have been there
But yet.. I can still hear you voice softly saying I love you in my ear.

Weekend wrap up

Friday Bruce was off with us .. we went to the fair in Pipestone.. we had a good time .. there was a few moments of icky.. hot /sweaty....
We took the kids to a Dirt Bike show.. of course I don't know the cool or correct term to call it .. Motor Cross .. I don't know .. it was good every time the guys on the bikes would come fly over the ramp and do tricks.. Liza was yelling whee mommy weeeeee..... Zach was in awe and also I could see him thinking about how he could create a way to make a ramp and do that at home on his bike ... we went and got the kids posters and had then autographed.. Zach was speechless and Liza kept pointing and asking Wee?? wee??? (oh yeah.. Zach went on some rides in the midway and the one I just wasn't ready to see my growing boy on... I quietly wept on dad's shoulder until the ride was done... Zach asked me mom... why????? I told him he won't understand until he is a dad.
Sat,
We went to Camden and played in the swimming hole with the kids ... it was fun then we grilled and chatted..Zach shyly asked us .... Guys I don't quite get how I got here.. we have always been very open about the adoption.. but when we started to talk with him he said never mind I am not ready for this... then he asked exactly how do babies get in the tummy ... we started to have the sex talk .. but it was too much and he said no later .... We always knew he would want to know more .. but when it hit.. it was still a blow .. we want to answer things but answer them in an appropriate way...Sigh.....
OH yeah .. the owner of the dog that bit Zach a few weeks ago.. got drunk and went uptown and ranted about how Zach got everything he deserved and he asked for the dog to bite....
I hate the fact that first the guy doesn't have all the info ... I told him which kid was teasing the dog... and him saying we are bad parents and never watch our kids .. Zach hardly can leave the yard without someone with ... I always know where he is... The guy has the wrong kid ... and even still it takes a coward to talk smack about an 8 yr old boy...
Sunday
Nothing too much .. did some yard work...
The evening ended well .. kids and daddy are fast asleep.....

Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I was in here. Alot has gone on but yet not much has changed.. Zach has really been dealing with headaches/dizzy junk.We got a diagnosis on him ADHD /OCD and Conduct Disorder...Which I haven't shared with a whole lot of people yet . I shared it the other day with a friend and she said" Ohh he always seemed like a nice kid." My response was he is a good kid ... I hate the idea of how some see the list of Disorders and Diagnosis and don't see the person.. Zach is a wonderful sweet loving kid..He just is having some issues and with Therapy and the right meds I think we will be fine.
I so don't want him labled I know how small town can go.. I want everyone to see just how great he can be.