Hypersensitive

I realized today I lost my sense of humor... I've become hypersensitive to life I guess. If someone asks oh so you are just at home with the kids .. I have this overwhelming need to say well I am their therapist/nurse /teacher and ref... I cook and clean .. balance the budget .. stay on top of all appointments for all of us .. and fill out forms and I also research meds /illnesses ........ Leaving the person dumbfounded and there is usually that uncomfortable silence.

If someone makes jokes about " riding the short bus'" wearing helmets-- licking windows... I then also have to fight the need to totally tell that person how uncool those statements are..

A friend told me quite awhile ago You know you are allowed to have fun...
I think I have forgotten how ...

Early morning rumbles

Liza up at 2 disconnected her feeding .. crawled on the couch with me wanted to watch Dora got her back to bed ... Zach up at 3  spooked from the thunder.. got him settled in ... 4 am both of them jump on me on the couch .... too tired to get them back to bed so the 3 of us and one cat and one small dog all attempting to sleep on the couch ....

Today

Gone all day in S Falls with therapy... got to see Julie and Wyatt.. It was a good day.


We passed three hitch hikers today .. I can't imagine what it is like to travel the world with all my things in a bag on my back.Depending on kindness of others .. I always think about the song what if Jesus was the stranger... I pray for their safety and hope they can get shelter and hope God understands.

Tomorrow Zach has school ... I have a meeting here .... busy day but I don't have to go anywhere .

Monday Morning

It is still semi dark outside ... I love mornings to sit drink my coffee in the quietness .The house was just a little chilly perfect to sit in a blanket and let the coffee wake me up to another day.Plus I got to sleep 5 hrs straight ... I feel much better... was getting pretty grumpy last night.

Zach had some bad dreams heard him call out in his sleep a few times but other than that it was pretty quiet night.

It is going to be a busy week... lots of appointments to juggle....

On to a new week

What a beautiful day ..... Zach and Bruce went fishing - Liza and I napped .. Burgers on the grill--watched tv with the kids and then now everyone in bed .. killing time for Liza's midnight meds and then I can go to dreamland.... Tomorrow we are in S Falls all day for therapy ...
Told the kids I might take them to the park on the way home ...
Liza sensory stuff have been pretty intense .. she is so bruised up from all the bouncing around and jumping she does ... Hopefully therapy can come up with some ideas on how to desensitize her a bit.
She sets off Zach's anxiety .. while she is loud jumping/screaming and pounding on him... he gets overloaded and then has break downs.
Sometimes all I get done is being the ref...
At the moment tho they are both peacefully sleeping.

Looks like a pretty fall day

On my 3rd mug of coffee praying to the caffeine God's .Listening to Dora and Liza singing ...
Bruce and Zach went to church of course Liza decided to fall asleep when she should have been getting ready to go also ...
Think we are going to spend the afternoon outside cleaning up summer toys and getting things put away.
Still not sure where summer went and can't believe Oct is just around the corner..

I've debated writing about this... bothers me a bit to see it in words .. our 10 yr battles daily with self esteem.. and often has said the world would be better without him... he told his Dr's he won't hurt himself but yet questions his self worth..It is hard to fully understand what he is going thru and scares me when I think about what is ahead of us ... He doesn't get that he changed our life for the better when he was placed with us ... and our world would shatter if something happened to him.

I pray every night for God to watch over him and all the other kids out there dealing with thinking they don't matter.

Ramble of thoughts

The other day a well intended person said wow wouldn't believe your kids had anything wrong ... they look so normal...The comment wasn't meant in a harmful way... but my thought was just what does normal look like .. If all of us took a look at ourselves there is probably something about us someone might not find normal.It was makes us individuals..


At timese it gets old to have to explain what is wrong with them and why we do what we do and the how comes of our world... While at times things are stressful and we sometimes wish we had a social life and didn't have to deal with what we have going on... We still have many great "normal" moments .. they are still both kids ... kids who like to laugh and play-- they like pizza /movie night .. camp fires and smores ..
We play games and all the other things families do ... we just at times have to break things down into smaller steps ....


We got Liza lined up to see Dr's at the U of M hopefully when that is done we will have a better hold of what is wrong --what she needs and the types of services to look for.It's funny in the beginning we are told we will need to advocate for our special needs adopted children.But one doesn't realize just how complexed that truly is ... Not every Dr sees you as a caring parent ... not every teacher /therapist ...( the list goes on) will listen to you..You will have to jump hoops ... stomp your feet ... grit your teeth at times --- swallow your pride at times ... to get things done.

I remember in the begining being warned by other parents about how much of a struggle it can be ... but also told it was well worth it in the end.

Sometimes our celebrations are just a bit different then other families ...

Early start

Liza got me up at 3:30 Am stayed up til 6.... Sleeping from 12:30 to 3 :30 is getting old ...


I love this time of year ... the cool air ... colored leaves ....

Butterfly
Her body now a shell of what used to be.A cocoon of sorts-waiting for her mind to be free.Locked inside of her disease, Alzheimer has no compassion.But like the caterpillar waiting to be released as a butterfly,Her soul will be once again soar with wings spread wide open.If you look deep inside her eyes you can see her stir, waitingto be free of a prison with in herself.As the young girl who is helping her eat –she wonders do yousee me? Or can you not look past the wrinkles, the blank starein my face. Please remember I wasn’t always this way –As the young butterfly hatches and wings dry-her soul stretches.When the butterfly takes flight along with it goes her soul –upover the buildings over the cars up to the tree tops.Soaring up to heaven free from its restraints.So is her soul with that her caged draws it last breath.She to is now free to soar and ride the wind with the butterflies

My morning started early... went to bed after Liza's midnight meds to be woke up at 1:30 to her disconnecting her tube - formula all over the floor... and she was wide awake and wanted to play.Got her back to sleep around 4.. back up at 6 for the start of morning meds . she laid down til 8:30... she went across the street for daycare ... had Zach's school started by 9am.
It is 3pm now they are both outside .. of course the house is screaming at me to clean it ... laundry that wants to be put away .. Supper is cooking in the slow cooker.....
Often I feel like the mom of a newborn with all the sleep deprivation... only difference is babies out grow of that. Liza has become more and more busy.If 10 yrs ago when we first looked at adoption I would have never believed life would be like this ... Not complaining really just there is no way to totally understand some things until you are living it...

Wow it has been a year since I did any blogging .....

Liza up early again .... she rarely sleeps more then 5 hrs in a row ... I get tired of being tired.
I spent hours yesterday reading /researching on what to do for the kids ..It is always an uphill climb.