Today was a busy one..
The only thing that weighs heavy on my mind was watching my 9 yr old's OCD kick in .. many can't see it or even know when things are happening.. His anxiety level goes so high he truly can't function. It was annoying some of his peers and they were harsh and short with, I understand the frustration of things when he gets going.. but it broke my heart today thinking will he be socially awkward all his life .. Will he be "quirky" all his life/ I hope with therapy and trying to get on top of things now will help him down the road to control it somewhat.
He is a really sweet kid .. a heart of gold.. but he often falls prey to bullies. Or laughed at because of how things are for him.Tonight he lays heavy on my mind.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Reconnecting
Last night was a lot of fun .. reconnected with old friends we haven't seen in a really long time.It is a shame life can lead us down paths where we loose connections.Today I am full of so many memories of just how much we did as a couple with them.
Truly a great feeling to be around them again.
Today I we have tired children with a few intense issues .. nothing that together Bruce and I can't be ontop of.. unfortunately when these days hit .. we have to seclude ourselves and together deal.. It makes planning at times tough .... but it is just how we roll.......
Truly a great feeling to be around them again.
Today I we have tired children with a few intense issues .. nothing that together Bruce and I can't be ontop of.. unfortunately when these days hit .. we have to seclude ourselves and together deal.. It makes planning at times tough .... but it is just how we roll.......
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Today
Today the kids and I were on errands and on the intersection leading to the interstate stood a man with a sign.I have seen several people standing in that same spot.I wonder what happened to them .. we always think that it is someone elses live not ours . I wonder how many times he thought that too.That he would never have to stand at the side of the road to be stared at by strangers.Having to deal with weather and the harsh judgements of those who have decided he just didn't try hard enough.
Where is his family - friends ? Is he really so alone he has to beg strangers to take notice?
In todays world it wouldn't take much to upset the apple cart and we could be asking for neighbors and strangers for help.
As I turned up the fan on my air conditioner and sipped my dt coke and headed home ....I said 2 prayers first for the man with the sign who is etched in my mind forever .... and for the other homeless out there... Second I also asked God to watch over my family and friends ..
I wonder if where did he go tonight - it is warm out but did he ever get any food - a warm meal...
Where is his family - friends ? Is he really so alone he has to beg strangers to take notice?
In todays world it wouldn't take much to upset the apple cart and we could be asking for neighbors and strangers for help.
As I turned up the fan on my air conditioner and sipped my dt coke and headed home ....I said 2 prayers first for the man with the sign who is etched in my mind forever .... and for the other homeless out there... Second I also asked God to watch over my family and friends ..
I wonder if where did he go tonight - it is warm out but did he ever get any food - a warm meal...
Monday, July 20, 2009
Winds of Change
The ball is rolling on getting daycare up and running again. Once upon I time I thought I was done with it .. but as they say never say never.It feels like a really good choice .. I am excited to get everything in it's right place.
The past 3 years have been really rough.. I have gone through so many ups and downs. I was given a book about parenting special needs children and how God chooses us for different roads in life because he knows some can handle things when others can't.It doesn't make any of us better then the other .. just different . It talks about being careful to not make our children feel as if loving and caring for them is a burden.. After all they didn't choose to be inflicted with whatever special need they may have.I know some who carry themselves with the whole poor me -- look at how difficult my life is and yet they do nothing to help themselves.
I admit to walk in that path at times.. after reading that book it made me more self aware of I asked to be my kid's parent.. this is my road - it is up to me to figure out just how to make this all weave together to form our family net.
I want the change on the horizon to be a positive one .. I want to make sure I never make my kids feel anything but the love they deserve . I also want to teach them that just because life changes the ideals we have inside .. doesn't make the trip any less of a gift from God.
The past 3 years have been really rough.. I have gone through so many ups and downs. I was given a book about parenting special needs children and how God chooses us for different roads in life because he knows some can handle things when others can't.It doesn't make any of us better then the other .. just different . It talks about being careful to not make our children feel as if loving and caring for them is a burden.. After all they didn't choose to be inflicted with whatever special need they may have.I know some who carry themselves with the whole poor me -- look at how difficult my life is and yet they do nothing to help themselves.
I admit to walk in that path at times.. after reading that book it made me more self aware of I asked to be my kid's parent.. this is my road - it is up to me to figure out just how to make this all weave together to form our family net.
I want the change on the horizon to be a positive one .. I want to make sure I never make my kids feel anything but the love they deserve . I also want to teach them that just because life changes the ideals we have inside .. doesn't make the trip any less of a gift from God.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday
What a day ... Liza had school.... lunch with my parents then New Ulm for a dentist apt.turns out in a few weeks I will be going to Mankato for Zach to have dental work done...
I decided tonight I am relicensing my daycare ... I got tons to do ... but it seems to make the most sense .. While I worry about all the running with the kids ... somehow I hope to make this work...
Liza has 2 more years before she will be in school all day so this seems to be the best ... she will have playmates - I will be home with her... It is funny how it just seemed to hit,,,, this is what I want to do again.Not saying it won't have some of it's headaches like any job....
Here is too new begingings
I decided tonight I am relicensing my daycare ... I got tons to do ... but it seems to make the most sense .. While I worry about all the running with the kids ... somehow I hope to make this work...
Liza has 2 more years before she will be in school all day so this seems to be the best ... she will have playmates - I will be home with her... It is funny how it just seemed to hit,,,, this is what I want to do again.Not saying it won't have some of it's headaches like any job....
Here is too new begingings
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Quick weekend
Wow I can't believe it is over.. the guys were gone all day yesterday .. today we just watched movies - Liza was pretty worn out .. I am guessing it is her mono yet .. although she is getting a cough now... Zach just diagnosed with mono.. so he is really tired...
We did go to the park and play some base ball...
Grateful for the good stuff
We did go to the park and play some base ball...
Grateful for the good stuff
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Life lessons
Life has been full of them.. learning to stay away from the toxic influences -- trying to keep those that make me feel good about me close.
There are days I wish life could be easier.. then I rethinking that is the hard times are what mold us and help us become better .
There are days I wish life could be easier.. then I rethinking that is the hard times are what mold us and help us become better .
Saturday, January 24, 2009
So far
Pretty uneventful day today......Bruce will be taking Zach to a movie .. Liza and I are hanging out.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Today
The week always flies by with the kids stuff.Often I forget to take care of me.Today I am torn I need to make an appointment for myself but not sure where to put it so it falls in with the kid's stuff.
A friend blogged about the trapped feeling .. That is how I feel lately every avenue I go down has road block .If there isn't a waiting game it is a we can't help you or there is the implication that we haven't done enough or somehow have caused this . Last night I was asked if maybe I spend too much time on one and not the other kid.Yikes I burst into tears and asked this person what else can I do - I don't work much out of the home.I rarely leave them... I get out for maybe one evening a week and then I usually go after they are in bed or close to it.
I was questioned on if I caused Zach's anxiety and his need to sneak food by not feeding him - AFTER all Liza had failure to thrive and now has a feeding tube.Maybe I need counseling on healthy meals and the importance of that .Zach has little concept on amounts he told her that he has a can a pop a day. I tried to explain that he might get 1/4 a can twice a week. He then told her of the 8 glasses of water he drinks a day .. He maybe drinks 1.I was told that I needed to keep all candy and junk away...While yes we have snacks I do limit them.. and I know somethings don't work with ADHD..
Zach's voices -- I know he has some hallucinations and hears voices..Some want to down play it as if I am the one making it up.I never said I knew what the voices were about .. if it is his imagination or conscious.... or maybe he is schizophrenic. It isn't my job to figure that out I am doing my job watching him-telling the Dr's and trying to get him the help.. I don't think I need to also diagnose him also.
Then lets go to Liza ... I want to scream I don't know why she won't eat.I don't know why she isn't speaking ...She is getting to be hyperactive and high energy and hard to handle at times..So instead of going with well it could be her genetics kicking in I get blamed on being a bad mom and I don't structure and discipline enough.While yes I think she is smart enough to learn appropriate behaviors I can't change the facts she has some cards stacked up against her.
I am sitting here waiting for the school to see what they can do for both kids..I don't always hear back from my emails - and am playing a huge waiting game.
Respite for Zach .. I feel as though he is easy enough to be around we just want to make sure he is safe with whoever we get.So playing a waiting game on that.
I put all my energy in them I forget to take care of myself.Or I run out of time or just simply put myself on the back burner.Where I am slowly burning up.
A friend blogged about the trapped feeling .. That is how I feel lately every avenue I go down has road block .If there isn't a waiting game it is a we can't help you or there is the implication that we haven't done enough or somehow have caused this . Last night I was asked if maybe I spend too much time on one and not the other kid.Yikes I burst into tears and asked this person what else can I do - I don't work much out of the home.I rarely leave them... I get out for maybe one evening a week and then I usually go after they are in bed or close to it.
I was questioned on if I caused Zach's anxiety and his need to sneak food by not feeding him - AFTER all Liza had failure to thrive and now has a feeding tube.Maybe I need counseling on healthy meals and the importance of that .Zach has little concept on amounts he told her that he has a can a pop a day. I tried to explain that he might get 1/4 a can twice a week. He then told her of the 8 glasses of water he drinks a day .. He maybe drinks 1.I was told that I needed to keep all candy and junk away...While yes we have snacks I do limit them.. and I know somethings don't work with ADHD..
Zach's voices -- I know he has some hallucinations and hears voices..Some want to down play it as if I am the one making it up.I never said I knew what the voices were about .. if it is his imagination or conscious.... or maybe he is schizophrenic. It isn't my job to figure that out I am doing my job watching him-telling the Dr's and trying to get him the help.. I don't think I need to also diagnose him also.
Then lets go to Liza ... I want to scream I don't know why she won't eat.I don't know why she isn't speaking ...She is getting to be hyperactive and high energy and hard to handle at times..So instead of going with well it could be her genetics kicking in I get blamed on being a bad mom and I don't structure and discipline enough.While yes I think she is smart enough to learn appropriate behaviors I can't change the facts she has some cards stacked up against her.
I am sitting here waiting for the school to see what they can do for both kids..I don't always hear back from my emails - and am playing a huge waiting game.
Respite for Zach .. I feel as though he is easy enough to be around we just want to make sure he is safe with whoever we get.So playing a waiting game on that.
I put all my energy in them I forget to take care of myself.Or I run out of time or just simply put myself on the back burner.Where I am slowly burning up.
Monday, January 12, 2009
One year later
Well we have hit the one year mark of Liza going into the hospital .. she is doing really well now.. Still not talking much and not eating by mouth much ...On saturday we took the kids sledding .. she loved it she laid in the snow and laughed . I think she might have over done it she seems alittle congested now while she is much stronger she still is fragile,.
We seem to be getting to the bottom of Zach's stuff ... Aspergers Syndrome seems to be what we are dealing with.I had wondered some time back if he Autism or something like Autistic Spectrum.It makes sense now - poor kid goes through alot .. he hallucinates and he will tell us things we know that never happened but he will swear it did.He has voices in his head that try to get him in trouble.. Hopefully we will be able to get him enough support and intervention to help him deal ..
The one thing that wears on with all of this is peoples response.There is the ones who we need to help with coping skills who question us make us feel like we haven't done something right or they know better on how to handle things.Then there is the ones who down play what we have going on and laugh things off.
The truth be said while this is the life we want and would never change it . There are days our life is heavy -with the running to apointments or dealing with meltdowns or just trying to have normalcy. It is a path chosen for us - I don't always know or understand all things in it.There are days I feel like I live in a land where many don't speak my language.Every move we make has be thought through to make sure how it will effect the rest of our world.
We seem to be getting to the bottom of Zach's stuff ... Aspergers Syndrome seems to be what we are dealing with.I had wondered some time back if he Autism or something like Autistic Spectrum.It makes sense now - poor kid goes through alot .. he hallucinates and he will tell us things we know that never happened but he will swear it did.He has voices in his head that try to get him in trouble.. Hopefully we will be able to get him enough support and intervention to help him deal ..
The one thing that wears on with all of this is peoples response.There is the ones who we need to help with coping skills who question us make us feel like we haven't done something right or they know better on how to handle things.Then there is the ones who down play what we have going on and laugh things off.
The truth be said while this is the life we want and would never change it . There are days our life is heavy -with the running to apointments or dealing with meltdowns or just trying to have normalcy. It is a path chosen for us - I don't always know or understand all things in it.There are days I feel like I live in a land where many don't speak my language.Every move we make has be thought through to make sure how it will effect the rest of our world.
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