Hypersensitive

I realized today I lost my sense of humor... I've become hypersensitive to life I guess. If someone asks oh so you are just at home with the kids .. I have this overwhelming need to say well I am their therapist/nurse /teacher and ref... I cook and clean .. balance the budget .. stay on top of all appointments for all of us .. and fill out forms and I also research meds /illnesses ........ Leaving the person dumbfounded and there is usually that uncomfortable silence.

If someone makes jokes about " riding the short bus'" wearing helmets-- licking windows... I then also have to fight the need to totally tell that person how uncool those statements are..

A friend told me quite awhile ago You know you are allowed to have fun...
I think I have forgotten how ...

Early morning rumbles

Liza up at 2 disconnected her feeding .. crawled on the couch with me wanted to watch Dora got her back to bed ... Zach up at 3  spooked from the thunder.. got him settled in ... 4 am both of them jump on me on the couch .... too tired to get them back to bed so the 3 of us and one cat and one small dog all attempting to sleep on the couch ....

Today

Gone all day in S Falls with therapy... got to see Julie and Wyatt.. It was a good day.


We passed three hitch hikers today .. I can't imagine what it is like to travel the world with all my things in a bag on my back.Depending on kindness of others .. I always think about the song what if Jesus was the stranger... I pray for their safety and hope they can get shelter and hope God understands.

Tomorrow Zach has school ... I have a meeting here .... busy day but I don't have to go anywhere .

Monday Morning

It is still semi dark outside ... I love mornings to sit drink my coffee in the quietness .The house was just a little chilly perfect to sit in a blanket and let the coffee wake me up to another day.Plus I got to sleep 5 hrs straight ... I feel much better... was getting pretty grumpy last night.

Zach had some bad dreams heard him call out in his sleep a few times but other than that it was pretty quiet night.

It is going to be a busy week... lots of appointments to juggle....

On to a new week

What a beautiful day ..... Zach and Bruce went fishing - Liza and I napped .. Burgers on the grill--watched tv with the kids and then now everyone in bed .. killing time for Liza's midnight meds and then I can go to dreamland.... Tomorrow we are in S Falls all day for therapy ...
Told the kids I might take them to the park on the way home ...
Liza sensory stuff have been pretty intense .. she is so bruised up from all the bouncing around and jumping she does ... Hopefully therapy can come up with some ideas on how to desensitize her a bit.
She sets off Zach's anxiety .. while she is loud jumping/screaming and pounding on him... he gets overloaded and then has break downs.
Sometimes all I get done is being the ref...
At the moment tho they are both peacefully sleeping.

Looks like a pretty fall day

On my 3rd mug of coffee praying to the caffeine God's .Listening to Dora and Liza singing ...
Bruce and Zach went to church of course Liza decided to fall asleep when she should have been getting ready to go also ...
Think we are going to spend the afternoon outside cleaning up summer toys and getting things put away.
Still not sure where summer went and can't believe Oct is just around the corner..

I've debated writing about this... bothers me a bit to see it in words .. our 10 yr battles daily with self esteem.. and often has said the world would be better without him... he told his Dr's he won't hurt himself but yet questions his self worth..It is hard to fully understand what he is going thru and scares me when I think about what is ahead of us ... He doesn't get that he changed our life for the better when he was placed with us ... and our world would shatter if something happened to him.

I pray every night for God to watch over him and all the other kids out there dealing with thinking they don't matter.