Wednesday, July 16, 2008
sighhhh
To top off an icky day Zach got bit in the groin by a dog tonight .. needed 7 stitches .........
Today
Well I just had a major melt down...
Zach has always been my mellow easy going kid.... he has always been alittle more grown up than most ... In the last 2 years this has been getting progressively worse ... obsessive and anxious .... He has always been a worrier and a people pleaser.Lately he will go into these modes of bizarre behaviors... today ... he was playing nicely with his sister... no real issues ... then after lunch...I told him to slow down while drinking something... he mouthed off .. God mom can't you see I"m thirsty.... first we don't' allow talk like that .. I told him he needed to go to his room and rest ( he had been up really early ) flat out no I won't go....I tried to force 73 pounds to his room ... finally I get him there .. he eyes glaze over and he chants I won't be quite - while laughing hysterically ... then he ends up in tears saying all his days suck because of me.....
Two minutes later ... he is all sweet Mommy can I .........
I called his Dr who of course is out this afternoon.... I end up crying all over some poor nurse.....
It hurts so much .. he is a really great kid ... and what ever this is that is taking a hold of him,,, I can tell he doesn't understand it either ... I feel alone some don't get it .. the whole special needs side of my life ... I get these comments that it must be a parenting flaw ... or what did you expect.....or typical kid ......you just need to discipline him......
Today I cry
I cry because I want to help you
but don't know how
I cry because I see the look in your eye
but yet I can't reach you
I cry because as your mom
I want to win all battles for you
I cry because I can't take that pain for you
but yet I will try.
Zach has always been my mellow easy going kid.... he has always been alittle more grown up than most ... In the last 2 years this has been getting progressively worse ... obsessive and anxious .... He has always been a worrier and a people pleaser.Lately he will go into these modes of bizarre behaviors... today ... he was playing nicely with his sister... no real issues ... then after lunch...I told him to slow down while drinking something... he mouthed off .. God mom can't you see I"m thirsty.... first we don't' allow talk like that .. I told him he needed to go to his room and rest ( he had been up really early ) flat out no I won't go....I tried to force 73 pounds to his room ... finally I get him there .. he eyes glaze over and he chants I won't be quite - while laughing hysterically ... then he ends up in tears saying all his days suck because of me.....
Two minutes later ... he is all sweet Mommy can I .........
I called his Dr who of course is out this afternoon.... I end up crying all over some poor nurse.....
It hurts so much .. he is a really great kid ... and what ever this is that is taking a hold of him,,, I can tell he doesn't understand it either ... I feel alone some don't get it .. the whole special needs side of my life ... I get these comments that it must be a parenting flaw ... or what did you expect.....or typical kid ......you just need to discipline him......
Today I cry
I cry because I want to help you
but don't know how
I cry because I see the look in your eye
but yet I can't reach you
I cry because as your mom
I want to win all battles for you
I cry because I can't take that pain for you
but yet I will try.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
End of Day
Really didn't do anything special today.Liza had therapy Zach had a boyscout thing at the church ...
Bruce came home sickly... whenever he does this one job at work .. it is a process of using acid on stainless steel to prepare it for painting .He ends up with bronchitis /pneumonia .... he pretty much ate supper and went to bed...I worry about him.....he works hard .
Liza she is pretty much as she has been...
Zach is my biggest concern lately ..I know we just started all this Dr'ing .. but he stomach still bugs him ... and his anxiety and OCD is driving me nuts .. he will argue and act up ... and he has been on obsession roles all day ... He used to be about fishing all day .... now he just obsess about everything....How hot is it now... and 2 minutes later ... whats the temp mom..
I hate seeing him like that ....
It has been a busy last few days.... I have witnessed both adults and kids make bad choices .. seen people hurt ... I don't quite understand how a father can pack up and move 6 states away from his wife /child because he thinks it is for the best .. Old freinds treat each other with carelessness ... teens making poor choices.....it makes me sad
Bruce came home sickly... whenever he does this one job at work .. it is a process of using acid on stainless steel to prepare it for painting .He ends up with bronchitis /pneumonia .... he pretty much ate supper and went to bed...I worry about him.....he works hard .
Liza she is pretty much as she has been...
Zach is my biggest concern lately ..I know we just started all this Dr'ing .. but he stomach still bugs him ... and his anxiety and OCD is driving me nuts .. he will argue and act up ... and he has been on obsession roles all day ... He used to be about fishing all day .... now he just obsess about everything....How hot is it now... and 2 minutes later ... whats the temp mom..
I hate seeing him like that ....
It has been a busy last few days.... I have witnessed both adults and kids make bad choices .. seen people hurt ... I don't quite understand how a father can pack up and move 6 states away from his wife /child because he thinks it is for the best .. Old freinds treat each other with carelessness ... teens making poor choices.....it makes me sad
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The red dress picture of Liza was taken right before the New Year of '08 the other pic is the day of her benefit ... 6 mo later ...
The one of Zach with the pumpkin is Oct of '07 and the one of him on the dinosaur is June '08
Sigh
Zach keeps growing up each time I look he seems older ..... Liza at the time we didn't really realize just how sick she was and now looking at her now..... we count our blessings
It's a lazy afternoon here.. both kids are asleep..I am letting housework slide ... I have filing todo and there is always laundry....
When I ran daycare I used to think about what I would do if I had free time .. then when I went to work at the nursing home.. there I used to worry about being away from the kids .. Zach had me home up until he was in the 2nd grade .. and I did daycare up until he was in the middle of 1st grade... I fretted about being away from Liza.. Now I sit here ...being lazy .. waiting for the kids to wake up .. maybe play in the pool with them... and make supper..
I worry about what to do this fall... I really can't be gone in the evenings alot anymore ... I don't know about how well the Avon will sell to help out.So once again I find myself worried about what is best for the kids and truly helps us out here.Somethings never change
How do I get through your armor?
Can you not see I am not the enemy?
No longer must you fight those demons alone.
Trust me and I will always answer your cries for help.
My beautiful child I am your mother…. We may not
Share the same blood…but we share my heart …
Each night I pray for guidance to help me get in those walls
To calm those childhood memories – to help you see that you
Are loved and safe here…
Can you not see I am not the enemy?
No longer must you fight those demons alone.
Trust me and I will always answer your cries for help.
My beautiful child I am your mother…. We may not
Share the same blood…but we share my heart …
Each night I pray for guidance to help me get in those walls
To calm those childhood memories – to help you see that you
Are loved and safe here…
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Zach ......
While life has been full of Liza .... Zach has been having his own issues... first he has acid reflux .. we didn't really know how bad... when he was a baby we were told he would out grow it and we shouldn't be worried ... Then we had bouts of what we thought was allergy and asthma stuff... it is now coming out his reflux is still there .. and causing some issues ... new meds for that ... Also he has been having some anxiety issues ... for those that don't know .. he was a preemie -3 and 1.2 months - with a brain hemorrhage .. so he has had a rough start but does really well....
We have noticed things for awhile and some of it has been worse since Liza got sick but we are now treating him for anxiety and obsessive disorder ... Hopefully we can help him get through this quickly.. It is hard to see him and know just how much he is struggling inside .....So please pray for him and keep him close in your thoughts also .....
We have noticed things for awhile and some of it has been worse since Liza got sick but we are now treating him for anxiety and obsessive disorder ... Hopefully we can help him get through this quickly.. It is hard to see him and know just how much he is struggling inside .....So please pray for him and keep him close in your thoughts also .....
Busy weekend
Well I must say we filled every moment that we could with "normalcy" Thursday we had a Dr apt for Zach ... lots of stuff that we need to get ontop of ... I will post about that later.... Thursday afternoon we went to Falls Park in Sioux Falls.. we ate ice cream with the kids ... walked along the river... Thursday eve we grilled with a neighbor and his 5 yr old...
Friday we went to the church picnic... the kids played games .. we came home and all took little naps then we loaded up with the same neighbor and 5 yr old and went to watch fireworks.. we grilled in the casino parking lot and watched people shoot off their fireworks ... then at sunset we watched the the display... it seemed brighter this year and Liza snuggled in and clapping ... Zach chattering away .. Life was good ... Although we had wondered before the big show started Liza wanted to hang out in the van - every time she came out to see the fireworks .. she would dart in to hide... but she came around ...
Sat ... we had planned to take the tent and go camping instead we stayed in our yard .. the kids played in the pool .. we built a fire pit .. we made smores ....root beer floats ... and just hung out .. it was great .....
Sun more of the same ... just hung out with the kids and played.....
It was great .. we had moments of reminder of the special needs that are apart of us but ..they were small compared to all the fun....
Friday we went to the church picnic... the kids played games .. we came home and all took little naps then we loaded up with the same neighbor and 5 yr old and went to watch fireworks.. we grilled in the casino parking lot and watched people shoot off their fireworks ... then at sunset we watched the the display... it seemed brighter this year and Liza snuggled in and clapping ... Zach chattering away .. Life was good ... Although we had wondered before the big show started Liza wanted to hang out in the van - every time she came out to see the fireworks .. she would dart in to hide... but she came around ...
Sat ... we had planned to take the tent and go camping instead we stayed in our yard .. the kids played in the pool .. we built a fire pit .. we made smores ....root beer floats ... and just hung out .. it was great .....
Sun more of the same ... just hung out with the kids and played.....
It was great .. we had moments of reminder of the special needs that are apart of us but ..they were small compared to all the fun....
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
Little things
Little things
Laughter over a scoop of blueberry crunch ice-cream
Giggles from the wind in your hair
Smiles from holding a sweaty little hand
Hugs from grubby arms that are saying
Thank you for the little things today.
If we can see the world from a little person eyes
Life would be so much simpler.
Laughter over a scoop of blueberry crunch ice-cream
Giggles from the wind in your hair
Smiles from holding a sweaty little hand
Hugs from grubby arms that are saying
Thank you for the little things today.
If we can see the world from a little person eyes
Life would be so much simpler.
Taking the road less traveled
The other day someone said to me you should be commended for taking these kids..We wouldn't want your world. While yes career wise I have none out of the home .but at home I am everything to them all ..Money wise things are tight ... but we always seem to manage God sees to it ....
But our kids are our world and they come first always ... we may have chosen not to be on the fast track and yes we run to the Dr alot with them both. Each kid has their own issues that need to be kept on top of ..... but we wouldn't leave this path for anything.. When you have love that is all that really matters....
But our kids are our world and they come first always ... we may have chosen not to be on the fast track and yes we run to the Dr alot with them both. Each kid has their own issues that need to be kept on top of ..... but we wouldn't leave this path for anything.. When you have love that is all that really matters....
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Hanging out in our back yard
The kids have a great time in the pool... Zach is a great big brother ... and well Liza soaks up all the attention she can get from him.........
After all we have been through moments like these are priceless... I am sitting on a chair with my book and camera .. kids are laughing splashing... I barely got them to hold still for the pic... Liza made sure she splashed me well afterwards.....
normalcy
Life doesn't get much better then this
We went to the Watertown Sd zoo. it was a great time .. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh normalcy
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