Today

Well I just had a major melt down...
Zach has always been my mellow easy going kid.... he has always been alittle more grown up than most ... In the last 2 years this has been getting progressively worse ... obsessive and anxious .... He has always been a worrier and a people pleaser.Lately he will go into these modes of bizarre behaviors... today ... he was playing nicely with his sister... no real issues ... then after lunch...I told him to slow down while drinking something... he mouthed off .. God mom can't you see I"m thirsty.... first we don't' allow talk like that .. I told him he needed to go to his room and rest ( he had been up really early ) flat out no I won't go....I tried to force 73 pounds to his room ... finally I get him there .. he eyes glaze over and he chants I won't be quite - while laughing hysterically ... then he ends up in tears saying all his days suck because of me.....
Two minutes later ... he is all sweet Mommy can I .........
I called his Dr who of course is out this afternoon.... I end up crying all over some poor nurse.....

It hurts so much .. he is a really great kid ... and what ever this is that is taking a hold of him,,, I can tell he doesn't understand it either ... I feel alone some don't get it .. the whole special needs side of my life ... I get these comments that it must be a parenting flaw ... or what did you expect.....or typical kid ......you just need to discipline him......

Today I cry
I cry because I want to help you
but don't know how
I cry because I see the look in your eye
but yet I can't reach you
I cry because as your mom
I want to win all battles for you
I cry because I can't take that pain for you
but yet I will try.