I hate mornings like this

Some mornings are like clockwork.. today not so much.. Zach met me with defiance the whole time .. There isn't lots of time to get ready for school ..I get him up by 6 and he needs to be ready for the bus by 7:15. He gets so grumpy when I push him along but if one doesn't stay firm on you need to keep moving he will loose himself in his room.
It ends up being a battle of wills.. he gets mouthy and dumps it all as my fault life is the way it is..It ends up getting loud and I end up feeling icky ... He needs to be ready by 7:15 the bus is to be here at that time ... his arguement is it hasn't been on time all week why do I need to hurry for something that is always 10 to 15 mn late.He is a kid who follows schedules like clockwork and if something gets off schedule it makes everything tumble down.
Once we get the battle over .... he then returns to the sweet boy I know .

Today

Today has been fairly uneventful ...kids have been good..I read a friends blog who she always inspires me .. I read her blog daily to see into her world of several adopted kids and the trials of it all.. I always leave wanting be better .. . to reach out and help other families ...
It gets me all stirred up inside

It's Christmas time again... last year was a pretty crazy place here Liza was so sick and we were running all the time with her.

While life has settled down some .. there is still lots of stress .. but we are still in a better place then what we where.

Normalcy

That was the topic of pillow talk tonight .. Bruce is worn down by all of the craziness of our life.. I guess I have become numb to it all.. He had told me tonight he wished for normalcy .. he wanted a break from behaviors ,feeding tubes and all the heaviness our life holds.. Not to be mistaken for not wanting to be here .. he just wishes he could make it easier for everyone.. I see him going inside his shell..
My response to him is this is our normal now and we have to sneak moments in for "us " in between the times we are dealing with things . I don't know what to do to get through to him .. and I don't know how to help him.
We met with Zach's therapist tonight .. all went fairly well .. we will be restarting therapy again.
Tonight I feel sad and helpless.......

Lately

Zach has been the one that we have been running for ....his asthma has been giving his troubles and he needed steriods .. well the steriods increased his anxiety..We have had some behavior issues lately.. I am frustrated tonight we are talking with his counsoler and hopefully we will figure things out...
I had put a call into his Dr .. and one of the nurses told me I just needed to parent him ...thought that is what I have been doing...

My Kindred Spirit

A warmth covers me,
when you speak to me, my friend.
My kindred spirit.

You know me so well.
My deep hidden fears you calm.
I feel your guidance.

Your words are with me.
Your gentleness surrounds me.
I feel a sense of peace,

Your strength implores me.
Your keep me honest and true.
You guide me along.

Gently you hold my hand.
Leading me along the path.
My light in the storm.

Sick kids

Last week we were in the Er room .... saw 5 Dr's ...... this week and it is only Wed am we have been to 2 Dr and the Er and I think back to see the kid's Dr today.... makes 5 trips to SFalls in less then a week.

Liza looks like more of a motility issues she has lots of air in her tummy ... frequent streaks of what we thought was constipation which is now looking more like her digestive system doesn't do what it is to do ... which will mean more meds... Even though they HSAN disorder isn't a actual diagnosis .. these are the things that keep it a possibility we will just have to sit and wait..

Zach - well lets see looks like he is borderline on having a bleeding disorder ... He had some strange circulation issue last week ...his legs from hips to his feet were blue ....
This week it is his asthma .. he has a fever and a cough ....
A close friend has stated that while we have no medical background we certainly are making a medical history for them both now......